She's basically become my greatest inspiration in the world, right now. More cruise photos soon! :D

Letting go. Thank you, Jillian Michaels.

its 9am, on saturday morning, october 23, 2010. i'm laying on my back, palms up towards the sky, on the lido deck onboard the norweign star. we are docked in nassau, bahamas. jillian michaels has just worked us out to what feels like near death. i am bawling my eyes out.

i hadn't realized until that moment that i was holding in such suppressed negative emotions for years. when i was younger, i was overweight. i was always the fattest kid in class. i came in last place in everything. i got picked last for sports. i was the butt of everyone's jokes. i got teased relentlessly. i kept this mostly to myself.

i was extremely shy as a child, and i think this may have been the fact that i had no self confidence in myself. if hardly anyone liked me, why should i like myself?

as i got older, and wiser, i figured it was time to take charge and change this. one summer in high school i went on weight watchers and came back the following year with a hell of a better attitude about life. i felt so much healthier, and proud, and that was the beginning of a new and better me.

even though i looked and felt different, deep down i was still holding onto those emotions, whether i realized it or not.

laying on the lido deck, taking deep breaths.

jillian is talking. "be proud of yourself. this is your moment. we have 10,000 thoughts run through our heads everyday, and 80% of them is the same bullshit over and over again. you are safe in this moment. you are here with friends and family. this is your time. let go of all the negativity. if someone has an issue with you, that's THEIR shit, their problem, not yours. for all the times someone has told you you can't, know that you CAN."

in this moment, with the tropic sun hitting my face, sweat dripping on every inch of my body, i let it go. with each tear that streamed down my face, i let go of every negative thought i ever had about myself. with every breath i took, i got stronger, and breathed in positive energy. i made a promise to myself that i would never think badly of myself again. if i ever thought poorly of myself, i will think of all the great things i HAVE done, CAN do, and WILL do with my life. and hey, jillian said it best, "just think, if i got through that crazy bitch's workout, i can do ANYTHING."

i can't even explain what these 4 days onboard did to me. i came home the most sore i've ever experience (and let me tell you, it was painful) but as my muscles healed, so did my soul.

thank you, jillian. THANK YOU. i know that this was all inside me, but you just helped the sun break through from the clouds that has been hiding behind all this time.

Run Forrest Run.

I'm currently in the middle of training for my ver first 5k.

Holy crap. Did I really just type that sentence?

I am beyond proud of myself.

November 13. I'm coming for you, baby.

Is it October, yet?

GUESS WHERE I'M GOING IN OCTOBER?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Five words:
JILLIAN. MICHAELS. ULTIMATE. WELLNESS. CRUISE.


That's right, bloggity blog world. My girl crush. My fitness role model. My weight loss inspiration. AND I get to take a photo with her onboard. Oh, and did I mention that I also get to go to Great Stirrup Cay & Nassau, in The Bahamas? SCORE.

*squeeeel*

Oh, and yes. I am aware this will be my third cruise in 2010. Ha. Ooops?

AHHHHHHHHHH.

www.jillianmichaels.com/cruise

I'd give my right leg to go on this.
MUST.
FIND.
A.
WAY.
ONBOARD.

"Cheat Days"

Cheat Days.

What do we think of them?

I personally, think that a cheat day every so often is good to a dieters health. I know how it can be to want something so bad, but telling yourself you CAN'T have it makes the want worse. It becomes more of a "need" and that can end in over-indulgence and binge eating.

I'm proud to say that my last cheat day was over 2 and a half months ago. Yeah. I've been on track for THAT long. It amazed me, too.

Well. Until last night, that is...

Yesterday I held my housewarming party. It was a joint party with my neighbor/landlady/co-worker. We are both on a weight loss adventure (myself loosing around 18 pounds, her 45) so we made pretty healthy food (I made a veggie tray, a fruit salad & fat free brownies) But like at most parties, guests will bring something along with them as well.

We had a "spanish" theme, so there was a lot of sangria, and porron drinking happening. I have learned that I become an endless PIT when I consume alcohol.

I don't remember everything I ate. I know it was a lot. I DEFINITELY don't want to know the calorie intake of yesterday, haha! I know I went to bed drunk, and happy, and very, very full.

But am I kicking myself this morning? Nope. Maybe a little, because I have a massive hangover and wish I didn't drink as much sangria as I did, but I am still happy. Today is a new day to start over. And I know one night of splurging isn't going to make me gain 15 pounds back overnight.

All in all, I think I ate enough food yesterday to keep any "cheating" at bay for awhile. I may never want to see mixed nuts again, though...oye.